Musings of Ryu Shinigami Adventurer Extraordinaire
by RyuGW1
Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami - Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story. Guild wars is the property of Arenanet etc etc etc. Liuxe Elysian is used with kind consent of the player who created him. Ryu Shinigami I created so he is mine.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

**The Day In The Life....**

As Ryu Shinigami hacked his way through yet more of Abaddon's demonic servants he yawned in boredom.

"I'm bored....killing everything in sight was fun at first now its lost its interest. It wouldn't be to bad if there was anything that was an actual challenge but there isn't," he mused, glancing over at his mini raptor which was in the process of gnawing on one of the multiple legs of a dead Dryder.

Ryu wandered over to a large rock leaning against it whilst casually beheading the last of the Terrorweb Dryders.

"Lets see...Why do I keep doing this? I have more money than I can spend. My material storage is almost fully stocked up. I've got a shield that's so shiny that the sun gets jealous at the glare it gives off, I've got a sword so sharp and pointy that all the other swords are envious of it and my amour - well it would take a 100 dwarf blacksmiths a 100 days to create its equal, but that still doesn't explain why I'm doing this."

Ryu's thoughts were interrupted by a sucking sound. Glancing around Ryu realised that Ripper the Raptor had finished gnawing on the dead Dryder and was now trying rather messily to suck out the brains from the Terrorweb Dryder that lay a few feet away with little success.

Ryu looked at Ripper considering its recent behaviour whilst he did so the mini Raptor had always been a little different since being attacked by a zombie warlock in Kryta and had Ryu been asked he would have sworn that on certain occasions when he had drunk perhaps a little to much aged dwarven ale that he had heard the Raptor trying to say the word "Brains" when the mini-raptor had been eating.

Ripper the mini Raptor looked over at Ryu making sure that his human and food provider wasn't going to try and steal his food. Ripper had long thought of attacking Ryu while he slept but considered that Ryu was better as a food provider than a food source.

**A few days later...**

Ryu looked at his alcohol stash wondering if he had time to get drunk then realised it probably wasn't a good idea as Liuxe Elysian, the Paragon and party leader who had contracted him to help wipe out a horde of corsairs, probably wouldn't be best pleased if the corsairs escaped. Not that he particularly cared, he just had a hangover and could do with out a holier than thou paragon screaming at him that he was a 'drunk and having a zombie mini raptor is an unnatural occurrence and not a suitable pet!'

Hearing his name being called, he walked over to the group of misfits that had the audacity to call itself a party. Other than himself there were two Sunspear wannabe warriors, Melonni the Dervish, Dunkoro the Monk, Liuxe the Paragon wearing an annoyingly whiter than white outfit that just to look at gave Ryu a larger headache than he already had, Ogden Stonehealer an annoying little runt who had the aggravating habit of trying to cure Ryu of being drunk just as he got a good buzz on and Olias, a Necromancer who Ryu had worked with before who was always a suitable drinking partner as the things he could summon when he was drunk were excellent after all who know that necromancers could summon succubi as well.

They admittedly had to sacrifice a small kitten to do so, but hell Ripper always liked something to play with when Ryu was getting drunk and seeing the raptor throw a dead kitten around was amusing in itself.

Tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

As Ryu slowly walked down the path between the merchants, kicking the lowly groveling Asura out of his way, he saw a flash of rusty red armor and dirty grime-ridden red hair, followed by a shout of "Stop, thief!".

A flash of recognition flashed across his face and he gave chase to the now escaping thief, snatching up a rock as he ran. Ryu saw the thief duck down a small alley, and, rounding the corner, he threw the rock with 1/10 of his normal strength, catching the thief just behind her left ear, felling her almost instantly.

Ryu walked over to the pitiful looking specimen of an excuse for a human being, barely recognising the warrior he had once know as Naru Skiveheart. He looked closer beneath the rusted armor, dirt and human excrement that Naru now lay in and saw the item that the miserable excuse of a misbegotten thief had dropped.

There laying in the dirt was a half rotten cloth covering what might have at one time been a dagger. Naru quickly grabbed the item, bringing it to her chest, attempting hide it whilst her wildly darting eyes frantically looked for a way of escape. Seeing none, she started to attempt to plead, "No! Please it's my own, it's my precious, my precious!", she wailed.

Ryu, in a moment that seemed like weakness, and totally out of character for him, threw a half dozen gold coins to the floor. Looking down he growled out, "Get yourself cleaned up and meet me at the the armorer on the Sun Docks, unless you just want to lie there and die like some sort of Asura...and get a bath, you stink.".

Turning, he strode off, not giving the worthless illustration of humanity's dregs behind him a second glance, brushing past the common riff-raff who had watched the entire episode from the mouth of the alley without a word, he stalked onward, making the women swoon with desire and causing the men to be jealous that they as mere pathetic mortals could not hope to achieve the godlike aura that he unconsciously projected as he strode by.

* * *

**A few days earlier...**

Ryu considered the envoy from the Grand court of Sebelkeh with a sneer. He hated the Vabbians with a vengeance, what with their, 'Oh look, my tiles are more blue than your tiles!' attitude. Ryu wasn't too sure why blue tiles were important, but according to the toady in front of him they were.

This particular Vabbian apparently wanted to hire Ryu AND a party of other _so called_ lesser heroes to go and get a painting that had been stolen from one of the local Vabbi Princes. The painting, called 'Blue Tile by Moonlight' was worth beyond compare and the reward being offered to the party reflected that.

Unfortunately, the simpering sycophant had done his homework and had a list of so called heroes that Ryu just _had_ to have in the party. However, the payment for the party was a different matter. They had been discussing these back and forth, mainly because the envoy was trying to insist that a new blue set of robes should be deducted from the price as Ripper had taken one look at the envoy and decided that, seeing as Ryu was having lunch, that so could he, and the mass of robes that the envoy had been wearing had been the only thing to save his ankles from destruction.

Although Ryu eventually managed to get the envoy to sit on the table for the entirety of the meeting Ripper still kept glaring and licking his lips every time the envoy made a move to put his feet back on the floor.

All in all this put the envoy at a distinct disadvantage and he was determined to make someone pay, hence the current discussion. Normally Ryu would have just beheaded him and waited for the next envoy, but his sword was down at the blacksmiths having a few nicks taken out of it that had occurred when he had been drunk and had decided that the local sleeping Gray Giant should be woken up and made into an awake Gray Dwarf.

Ryu looked at the parchment in his hand again and read it once more. Unfortunately he knew everyone on the list, and a bigger collection of oddballs and misfits he couldn't imagine being thrown together.

The party apparently was to consist of:

**Naru Skiveheart** – A Warrior who had it seemed had fallen on hard times, not having two gold pieces to rub together. There were some who claimed that Skiveheart had never existed as she was seen less frequently than Abaddon himself and even the she was normally only seen when free drinks were available as she was also known to be a raging alcoholic.

**She-man** _'I like Pink Armor'_ **Monk** – A Monk who indulged in very strange sexual practices and who also insisted that everyone had a nicer side. Monk had tried to find Ryu's nicer side once but as Ryu's idea of being helpful consisted of chopping someone's head off if they had a headache Monk had never actually been able to find it, though occasionally he did try and start looking again.

**Hitomi** _'I have very many leather bound books' _**Kyoko** – An Elementalist who seemed intent on retiring one day and opening a library. However, since most of his leather bound books were actually drawings of the strange sexual practices that his brother practiced, Ryu couldn't ever actually see it happening.

**Lysiss Elysian** - An Elementalist that Ryu had met before. As an elementalist she was adequate he supposed, but her being in the party would cause problems as she routinely had her mini-pet with her and where as Ripper was mean, tough and capable of fighting anyone and anything he decided looked like his next meal, _her_ mini-pet (that she had named Whippy the Whiptail Devourer) was rather effeminate, squealed at the mere mention of blood and had been known to faint when it was suggested that he actually had to fight.

Although Ryu know that Lysiss would deny all of this.

The last time he had seen Lysiss she had been in the process of being arrested by the city for lewd and obscene behaviour, which had mainly consisted of her dancing in the middle of the towns market place wearing nothing but her underwear screaming at the top of her lungs that she had just had an evilgasm whilst she did so.

Turning the parchment list over he continued to read:

**Kathulet Valkynaz** – A warrior whose main claim to fame was that he had once stolen a pair of magic panties before spending 6 months running from town to outpost to town and back again wearing them on his head whilst screaming, "I have the magic panties!". Unfortunately the only effect the magic panties contained was an anti-theft charm that made any one within ten feet of him start screaming at him to, "Stop! Thief! Give back the magic panties!", whilst chasing him. Luckily, the charm normally only had a five minute effect on anyone before thankfully wearing off.

The list then just stopped, Ryu looked over at the envoy and raised his eyebrow beneath his helmet - which he never removed for reasons that shall possibly be explained at a later date.

The envoy looked at Ryu with a smirk on his face before commenting, "We thought that you would like some freedom in choosing the rest of the party.".

Ryu considered the envoy and then studied the spoon in his hand. Yes, technically he _could_ decapitate the man with the spoon, but it would be awfully messy. More importantly, it would take more effort than Ryu could be bothered with at the moment.

The envoy looked again at Ryu."So, do we have an agreement?" he asked with a smile on his face.

Ryu just nodded and picked up the bags of gold that were laying on the table and started to walk out of the room, he paused just outside the room as he heard the screams of the envoy.

"Aargh! No! My ankles! Aargh! Get him off! Aargh!" Ryu smiled as he considered the gold in the sacks again. It looked like Ripper had saved him the gold required to get Ripper's lunch. Still smiling to himself Ryu walked off to get his own lunch, knowing that Ripper would soon follow, if the now silent screams and the slurping sounds coming from the room behind him was anything to go by.

* * *

TBC _: Coming here soon - The Hunting of the Misfits!_

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	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Notes two : This takes place just before certain parts of chapter two.

**Chapter Three**

Ryu strolled down the waterfront and watched as all the riff raff dove out of his way before he then stopped as he realised that all the other adventurers that had been following him - begging him to help their parties in their adventures, as they were doomed to failure with out him along - had vanished.

Ryu slowly turned around. It was the smell that hit him first, the awful stench, the foul vomit-inducing smell that would have caused anyone less godlike than Ryu to uncontrollable and forcefully regurgitate anything that they had ingested in the past twenty four hours.

Ryu took another look. There, standing less than 20 yards away, was a disgusting, unwashed, dirt encrusted, 12 foot high yeti. However the stench wasn't coming from the yeti. Indeed, compared to the smell from his companion, the yeti could be classed as being almost sweet smelling.

Looking down at the yeti's companion Ryu smiled. Maybe this would be easier than Ryu had first thought. Not that anything was ever difficult for the godly being that was Ryu Shinigami, but there, stood next to the yeti, was Naru Skiveheart, dressed in rusty red amour and holding a half empty, cracked, smoking jug of alcohol, or whatever passed for alcohol in whatever dive Naru had scraped enough gold to enter.

Ripper growled besides Ryu. There in front of him was the biggest pile of walking meat he had ever seen. Unfortunately there was a foul stench from the small insignificant pile of human flesh that stood next to it that was enough to put even Ripper off his food. A fact that Ripper was not best pleased with.

Ryu laughed. So it looked like the rumors that he had been hunting down about Naru's location were true. It did indeed seem to be that Naru was currently being paid to have a sexual relationship with a yeti's chief's son's chief dishwasher.

Naru Skiveheart looked across at the being who was surely a god descended to be among mere mortals and shivered in fear of her pathetic mortal soul. Slowly, unnoticed by Naru, a warm yellow liquid trickled down Naru's leg as she decided that even with a yeti by her side that Ryu **and** Ripper were to much for her to handle. Realising even in her half drunken stupor that it was better to live another day rather than die there, Naru turned and ran.

_After a short interlude at which point the events in chapter two happen..._

**Much much later...**

Naru walked through the door. Whilst not looking particular pleasant, she had at least tried to clean herself up and while not being particularly clean at least she didn't want to make people thirty feet away want to vomit.

Naru looked around the room, there in the corner of the chamber were Ryu and Ripper. Apart from them the tavern was empty excluding, of course, a bartender who was white, pale and shaking, and barely able to clean the clay flagon in his hands without dropping it.

The only other person in the whole bar was a dancer on the stage wearing an outfit of various almost transparent shimmering veils. The banner above the bars rudimentary stage said exotic dancer, but she was sat there looking bored out of her skull cleaning a lethal looking voltic wand whilst at her feet was a flame artifact of some description that looked like it had seen better days.

"Naru get over here and sit down," Ryu bellowed at Naru.

Naru quickly did as she was told.

"Listen, I've got a job to do and the people whom I have allowed the honour of letting them give me money have begged that I take you and several others along."

Naru – who glanced up from the ale stains that she had been considering licking to get some alcohol into her system - looked shocked.

"If you follow orders, I can get your amour cleaned up, your weapons back and some food, but screw this up and there won't be enough of you left to make a meat sandwich for Ripper here. Understand?"

Naru nodded in wonderment realising that this supreme deific being in front of her was offering her another chance at life. One that she immediately realised she had to grab with both hands. So, after pleading loyalty to the being in front of her, she pledged her pitiful life to his service.

Ryu looked at Naru shaking his head, "No, you're not good enough to be considered one of my hirelings, so for the duration of this job, if any one asks you'll be taking orders from your superior Ripper here."

Ripper growled and then for a second an evil gleam appeared in his eye.

Naru just shook with fear but agreed.

Ryu threw his now empty flagon at the bartender and yelled, "OI YOU! FOOD AND DRINK NOW!"

The bartender hurried off to comply, placing two plates of food on the table and two flagons of ale besides them.

Ryu stared at Naru as Naru slowly poured her ale onto the floor. "I'll have a flagon of clean water, thanks."

Ryu just slowly nodded and then grabbed hold of the bartender. "What's up with the entertainment?" he asked.

"Oh she's finally paid off her bill but now doesn't know what to do," the bartender responded.

"Call her over."

"Um, I'm not sure thats a good ewk....-" he bartender squeaked.

"You seem to be under the impression that I was _requesting_ you call her over. Do I look like the sort of person that _asks_ for things?"

The bartender slowly shook his head and in a barely audio voice squeaked out, "Lola! Over here, now girl, quickly!"

The girl bound over energetically and introduced herself. "Hi! My names Kyi...just Kyi, and when I grow up I want to be a real Ele!"

Ryu looked Lola over, wondering exactly _what_ was hidden under the shimmering veils besides the wand and focus before realising that they had a spare space in the party and that a relatively unknown wouldn't cost that much to hire.

"You want to earn yourself some gold by adventuring?"

Kyi nodded her head up and down rapidly in a manner very reminiscent of a hydra.

"Oh yes please! Please let me come with you! I'm such a newbie that I'm barely able to walk and talk with out tripping over my own feet!"

Ryu nodded at the obvious statement that the young wannabe elementalist had made.

_Coming soon the discovery of the She-man_


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Notes : be warned in this chapter there is much implied gayness

Chapter Four

Ryu, Ripper, Naru and Kyi watched as their target was kicked out of yet another shop.

They had been in Ascalon for the past three days after having traveled for several weeks to get there. They had followed rumours, half truths and the like and they had finally found the monk in one of the stranger parts of Ascalon.

All four watched in amazement and with amused expressions, after all it wasn't every day you got to see a bald headed monk expelled from a lingerie shop for non-payment of HIS bills. Then for the party it got even more amusing, for as the bald monk was thrown backwards the dusty pink dress he was wearing fell over his head, revealing to all and sundry the vibrant pink stocking and suspenders set he was wearing, to say nothing of the shocking pink knickers with butterflies plastered all over them and what suspiciously looked like a matching pink corset.

The party had yet to actually approach the monk. They had intended to on the first day but after seeing him kicked out of one shop they had paused and, realising how amusing it was since that time, they and several others had just taken to following the monk for the amusement of seeing him thrown out of the other shops he frequented.

The monk got up pleading that he needed just one more week and that he would pay off his bills but that he just _had_ to have the new sheer pink stockings in the windows as they would go perfectly with his pink whiptail devourer hide high heel boots and his pink tartan mini skirt.

Realizing that he had an audience the monk dusted himself down and looked at the now gathering crowd with apprehension.

Someone from within the crowd threw what looked remarkably like a rotten tomato at the monk, barely missing him.

"Please, there's no need for that. Let's all be friends and be nice to one another and happily skip through the flowers," the pink monk exclaimed.

Two members of the crowd who seemed to have been drinking picked up a couple of nearby sticks and went to take a step forward threateningly. Ryu decided that enough was enough, even if the monk was a _little _odd he didn't deserve being harmed that badly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ryu said in a reasonably loud tone of voice.

"Oh no? Why not? What are you going to do to stop us?" One of the toughs exclaimed, the alcohol stopping him from seeing the magnificence that was Ryu.

"Me, nothing at all, but do you really want to catch what he has?"

The crowd took a couple of steps back.

"Catch? What do you mean catch?"

"Well, look at him, have you ever seen someone that looked like that, dressed like that and acted like that who _wasn't_ ill?"

The crowd took several more steps backs.

"And after all, whatever he has, who's to say it's not catching..."

There was a silence, then the sound of stones and sticks being dropped was followed by a mass exodus of the crowd down a nearby alley.

The monk walked over, brushing dust from his fuschia staff which he had recovered from the ground. Smiling, he approached them.

Ripper sniffed at the approaching monk and then snorted. The monk smelt like he had been dipped in a vat of honey and then covered in cheap tacky perfume. Ripper decided there and then that if it was a matter of eating the monk or starving that he would rather starve than eat anything that smelt like this monk did.

"Hello I'm the pink monk, helper of the weak and the newbish, and nominated wearer of the pink corset as chosen by the order of the gayish monks. I'm also the five times winner of Mr Gay Ascalon and I'm also very proud to be Mr December in this years Naked Gay Charr Calender available at all good merchants for just a few gold coins," the monk proclaimed with a wink, "but remember, it was cold up there and shrinkages do happen," he added with a girlish giggle.

The entire party shuddered at the images that those few sentence brought to mind. Ryu suddenly realised that he might not have been that far from the truth when he had announced the monks possibly illness.

Kyi stepped forward. "Hi! My names Kyi, unless I'm doing my exotic dancer routine then it's Lola. I love your outfit!"

The monk looked apprehensively at the chatting hyperactive elementalist that suddenly filled his field of vision.

"And this is Naru and this is Ripper and this is Ryu," she continued in an excited manner much like a two year old on a sugar high.

The monk gulped. "_The_ Ripper? _The_ Ryu?"

"Yep, yep, you bet, yep!" The elementalist continued blithely.

The monk fell to the ground and started banging his head on the ground whilst chanting, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy," over and over again.

Ryu shook his head, this was always happening. Some religious nut saw Ryu and thought that their God had descended or ascended from Hell or Heaven, depending on the beliefs of the monk, and had come to visit them, bringing eternal damnation or salvation with him.

Ryu looked at the monk and then gestured for Naru to get him up, Naru promptly nudged the monk with her foot.

The monk looked up at Naru. "I'm sorry, I seemed to have a funny turn were we talking?"

Naru pointed at Ryu. The monk followed Naru's gaze and looked at Ryu once more before falling to the floor and banging his head and starting to chant all over again.

Ryu sighed it looked like it was going to be a long long day.

_Much later..._

"I'm not worthy," _thud,_ "I'm not worthy," _thud,_ "I'm not worthy," thud.

"Kyi, go get some food and drink for us, this looks like its going to take a while," Ryu ordered the young elementalist.

_Much much much later..._

"I'm not worthy," _thud,_ "I'm not worthy," _thud,_ "I'm not worthy,"_ thud._

_Sometime the following day..._

_Thud,_ "Iz nozzzzzzz wotzh," _thud_...then silence.

Naru nudged the now unconscious monk and looked at Ryu. "Master, I think he's finally finished."

Ryu looked at Naru, who seemed to be suffering from some form of personality disorder, since Ryu had paid a monk to place an enchantment on the fallen warrior to cure her of her addiction to alcohol.

Of course Ryu hadn't told any one he was doing this, for three reasons. The first being that he hadn't wanted anyone to know about it. The second was because technically the enchantment was detrimental to the recipients health and thirdly because it was pointed out as a plot hole to the author who is trying to cover his back.

Since that enchantment had been cast Naru had become a sycophant fawning all over Ryu.

Ryu looked at the now bruised and battered monk. Considering the unconscious form at his feet for a while he finally said, "Pick him up, the mission stated that he had to come along not that he had to be conscious."

"So where to now boss? Huh? Huh? Huh? YEP, YEP where to now? That's the question, isn't it? Yep yep yep." Kyi spewed out in fits and bursts.

Ryu just sighed, this mission was starting to be more trouble than it was worth. Ryu looked down at the list he held in his hand. Next was to find was Hitomi Kyoko and there was only one place he was going to be. Ryu shook his head, he hated where he had to go next but it was the logical place for the elementalist-librarian to be.

"Raisu Palace, we're off to the the Imperial library at Raisu Palace and god help them if they try to make me Emperor again," Ryu proclaimed before stalking off, annoyance at the irritations that were other lesser beings apparent in every stride.

_Coming soon Rippers ABC of reading..._


	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Story Notes : The date in this story is given as AE (after exodus) which is how the dates are compiled within the game.

Chapter Five

Ryu spat over the side of the ship as it pulled into Bejunkan Pier, he hated this place and its pathetic people. The last time he had been here they had tried to depose of their emperor and declare him their new God-King and supreme ruler. Suffice to say he had left shortly after and hadn't bothered returning since.

Ryu was distracted from his musings by a groan coming from down near his feet. Ryu looked down it appeared that the pink monk was starting to recover consciousness again. As he he had done so many times on this trip, Ryu drew back his foot before kicking the pink monk in the jaw sending him back into unconsciousness again.

"Night night monky monk," Kyi whispered before giggling and returning to her recently discovered new favorite pastime, which consisted of watching all the topless sailors climb the rigging, whilst drooling over the images that flashed through her mind consisting of herself, the sailors and half a dozen jars of honey.

Ryu left her to her drooling, remembering the first three days of their trip.

_Flashback to the first three days of the trip..._

"Ryu....?"

"What, Kyi?"

"Are we there yet?"

"No Kyi, we will be there shortly."

There was a silence for a period of about ten seconds and then a hyperactive voice broke the quiet.

"Ryu?"

"What Kyi?"

"Are we there now?"

"No Kyi."

There was silence for another ten seconds or so.

"Are we there yet?"

"No Kyi."

After three days of this Ryu had considered throwing the hyperactive annoyance overboard. Then one of the sailors had introduced her to the sugary substance called honey and she had discovered the game she was now playing.

_End of flashback..._

There was another groan this time from the other side of Ryu. Ryu glanced down and half managed to hide the smirk that appeared on his face, after all who would have known that raptors were able to suffer sea sickness. Though, since being sick, Ripper had made it blatantly clear that the moment they were all on dry land some one was going to suffer for the shameless loss of his dignity.

Looking over at the other member of the party Ryu noticed that Naru was once again polishing her sword and shield. Skiveheart was starting to be a cause of concern to the sailors and they had very politely requested that Ryu keep an eye on her. Apparently sitting in one place polishing your sword and shield and naming them Deidre and Dorothy whilst murmuring endearments to them such as:

"Dorothy, who's a good little shield? Yes, you are. Yes you are."

...and:

"Deidre, who's the sharpest little sword in the world? You are, oh yes you are."

...and even worse:

"I love you Dorothy. Oh don't get jealous Deidre. I love you too..."

After he had watched this for a few times Ryu had quickly come to the conclusion that there were some things he didn't want to know. He also wondered if Naru had always been this strange or if the lack of alcohol had started to effect her mental state.

Ryu glanced back over the side of the ship. He watched as the ship's gangway was lowered and, looking beyond the gangway Ryu, spied the coach that he had ordered be readied for him and the others for when they arrived.

_A little while later after a coach trip in which nothing much happened..._

Ryu stared at the gates to Raisu Palace. It looked like the current emperor was into ostentatious displays - if the solid gold forty foot high gates were anything to go by.

In the five minutes that they had been waiting, he had already had to stop Naru from trying to carve a big chunk out of the gate three times. Kyi on the other hand had just taken to singing to herself as she stared at her reflections in the highly polished gates.

Unfortunately the constant murmurings of, "I see one Kyi - giggle giggle. I see two Kyis - giggle giggle. I see three Kyis – muhahaha!" was starting to get irritating.

Quite frankly, the only member of the party apart from Ripper that wasn't starting to give Ryu a headache was The Pink Monk, and that was only because Ryu had knocked him unconscious again shortly after the coach trip had begun.

Kyi interrupted Ryu's contemplation by exclaiming, "Someone's coming!"

Ryu looked up and watched as a balding, overweight man, started to open the gates by pulling a lever. Kyi looked at the man, then at the pink monk, then at the man, then at the pink monk, then she looked at Ryu. "Um..um..."

Ryu sighed. "They're identical twin brothers Kyi, or they were until that one," he pointed at the man at the other side of the gates, "got so fat."

"Fat? Fat? I'm not fat. I'm just big boned and anyway, it's not fat, it's relaxed muscle."

"Yep and your brother's not gay, he just has an interesting take on male bonding," Ryu continued, "besides I've been requested to take you along on my current quest."

"Hi, I'm Kyi and that's Ryu and Ripper and Naru! Glad to have you in the party!" Kyi exclaimed while hopping up and down.

"Well, I'm sorry but that's out of the question I have too much to do here. Why, just the other day we had a selection of recently discovered manuscripts that date from 675AE that I have to document," the fat balding man stated.

"Hitomi," Ryu started, "these manuscripts...would they be a yellowish parchment with reddish writing?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Hitomi responded, "all manuscripts from that age are."

"And were they tied with a black ribbon that had gold thread running though it?" Ryu continued questioning, ignoring the interruption.

"How did you know that? The information that we found them hasn't even been released yet let alone what they look like!" Hitomi exclaimed in a breathless kind of voice.

In answer Ryu just gestured at a point past Hitomi where it seemed that Ripper had decided that ripping priceless ancient documents up would be a good way to regain his dignity.

There was a loud thud as Hitomi hit the floor unconscious in a dead faint.

Kyi looked at the pink monk and then at the balding pudgy man beside him. "Ohhh," she exclaimed, "now I see the family resemblance!"

Ryu exhaled loudly. He had a headache now and he knew that with the addition of Hitomi to the party it was only going to get worse. Pausing for a moment, Ryu nodded to himself in thought before picking both Hitomi and the pink monk up and throwing one over each of his shoulders before walking back towards the waiting coach.

Kyi looked at Naru. Naru looked at Kyi. Kyi looked back at Naru. Naru looked at Dorothy and Deidre. Nodding to each other both Kyi and Naru raced back to the coach.

_A short time later..._

Ryu sat glaring over at Naru. During the three hours that Hitomi had been out cold Naru had begged and pleaded to be allowed to explain to Hitomi why he had to join the party, after the first few hours Ryu had agreed purely because he couldn't be bothered to deal with Naru or Hitomi. It was a decision that he was now coming to regret as he stared over at Naru and Hitomi's table listening to their conversation with every more growing disbelief.

"So you see Hitomi, you either come with us or you'll regret it," Naru stated.

Hitomi looked at Naru. "And you do realise that if I do regret it that you'll regret it more, don't you?" Hitomi asked.

Kyi made a mark on the floor with a piece of chalk she was holding whilst she sat at Ryu's feet.

"Maybe, but if i have to involve the Sisterhood of Original Daughters of the Shiverpeaks then I will." Naru said pointedly.

Kyi made yet another mark on the floor

Hitomi's face started turning red. "_S.O.D.S?_ You think I'm scared of _S.O.D.S.?_ If _S.O.D.S_ came after me, then I'd leave note that the Temple Warriors of Tahnakai Sanctuary should be sent after them."

Kyi made a slightly larger mark on the floor.

Naru stared. "You'd send _T.W.A.T.S_ after me? If you do that it means war. It would also leave me with no choice but to go the final stage, in which I'd have to involve the Brutal Order of Balthazar's Sisterhood."

"Yes, but if you involve _B.O.O.B.S_ then I would also have to go to the final stage. I would have no choice but to call on the Assassins and Ritualists of Slavers Exile."

Kyi made another mark on the floor, grinned, and then nodded to herself.

Naru shivered. "You'd...you'd really call in _A.R.S.E?_" she whispered.

Hitomi nodded.

Naru looked down at the table. "But if you do that I'd be dead." Naru stood up. "Do you know how long its taken me to put this character together? If you call in A.R.S.E I'd have to start all over again and I've only just maxed out this characters Wisdom track," Naru continued.

"Tough," Hitomi said confidently, "It says right here on page XXCIVV that I can call in A.R.S.E as long as I roll a 12 or more on a D20 if the village or city we are in contains at least one pig and one sheep within its boundaries."

Ryu suddenly realised that he might have had the totally wrong idea as to what was going on over at their table. Crossing quickly over, he looked down at the pieces of paper, dice and little toy soldier like figures that covered the surface.

Games. They were playing bloody games.

Kyi suddenly squealed, stopping Ryu from doing anything too violent to the pair.

"Look, it's a horsey!" She proclaimed, pointing at her drawing on the floor.

Ryu groaned and hung his head. "I'm going to bed." He signaled to the inn keeper. "Do you have any larger mugs than these?" Ryu asked whilst pointing at the mug that was sat on the table he had just left.

"No, Oh Mighty Ryu, those are the largest mugs we have," the innkeeper whispered, awe stricken that someone as supremely awesome as Ryu had deigned to speak to such a lowly pathetic pile of hydra dung as himself.

Ryu considered the various members of the party, and shook his head. "In that case, send a barrel of whatever your strongest ale is up to my room." Ryu inspected his reluctantly chosen traveling companions, he had a feeling that things were soon to get a whole lot worse.

Ryu groaned again, shaking his head. He headed to bed, after all how much worse could it get? He was already traveling with a hyper-active flame-wielding wannabe elementalist, a recovering delusional washed up warrior, a transsexual gender-confused lace wearing monk and now he had added a pudgy balding book obsessed rulebook waving librarian.

Ryu sighed again and wondered away to bed.

_TBC_

_Coming soon! The return of an old flame._


End file.
